Parenting

When Your Ideas and Reality Are Not The Same (Adoption Journey – Homestudy Pt 3)

There are times in life when the ideas and reams you have in your head and reality don’t end up being the same. I have experienced this quite a few times in life – like when I didn’t get married till 28, when most girls got married at 24. Motherhood didn’t come the way I expected- I thought I would get married, wait a few years, and then have babies. Sadly, that wouldn’t be the way my body would cooperate. Adoption was the way I wanted to grow my family – but after I had some biologically. However, reality and my ideas didn’t line up then… and even with our adoption, there have been parts that have not lined up with reality.

The last day of our home study process was on August 4 – which happened to be mine and hubby’s 2 year anniversary. I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate our anniversary – by finalizing the home study process. The kiddos were going to stay with my parents so we could get a dinner date in – just the two of us. We knew we were going to have a lot to talk about. We were right – but it wasn’t all what we thought it would be.

Our social worker got to our house, and we began our discussion. Hubby and I were prepared for the discussion, and we thought we were ready. The topic- was parenting. No problem. Scott had been doing the parenting thing for 13 years, and I had been at it for 2 – with tons of child experience. We figured we knew all the answers.

Except to the question about when and how we would tell the children we had been “matched”. The magic word in adoption world, that everyone is waiting on. Everyone wants to know that there is a baby on the way – that a birth mom has picked you, and that it is a sure deal. Problem is – it isn’t a sure deal until you get that baby home from the hospital. I couldn’t wait to tell our kids that – to share if they were getting a brother or a sister (or both!).

However, our social worker didn’t think that was what was best. My kids – and my in-loves – have been through a lot of loss. What would happen if we told our kids they were getting a baby sister – and then, we came home empty handed. Not only will Scott and be disappointed and heartbroken – but so would our kids.

Well, I was heartbroken. Being someone who would probably not get pregnant – I felt like I would never get the opportunity to share my good news. That I was going to have to keep a secret from all of those I love dear – including my kids. My dreams and ideas were again gone, and I was left with reality, a hard truth, but one nonetheless.

We finished up our meeting and headed to our favorite reasturant. We began to discuss how we felt about what was shared. Scott, being the more levelheaded, understood our social workers point. All I can see was my hurt and disappointment.

A few days later I talked to my good friend who just went through an adoption – and is going to do another. I asked her what she felt about telling her children about future adoptions. She gave me great advice. “Adoption is a faith journey. For all of us. Including our kids. We plan on telling our kids that there is a birth mom, and she is thinking about our family as a good fit for her baby. The baby is a girl.” That is truthful and honest- without getting their hopes us. We wont be telling them we have been chosen (although I will be screaming it on the inside!) but, they will know what is coming. When we go to get the baby, we will just tell our children we are going to visit the birth mom and the baby. If we get to come home with the baby- the surprise will be great. If not, there will not be as much disappointment for our kids. However, they will still get to pray and wait and enjoy the journey with us.

No, it wont look like me dream, but it will work for our family. Life doesn’t look like our dreams- and I am sure glad it doesn’t. My dreams are nothing compared to God’s – His are always better!

Right now, we are trying to pull together the funds together for our adoption. My idea and dream was that all my friends and family would rally around us, and we would come up with the money no problem. Again, this has not been God’s idea. We have had family and friends support- but many have said they are waiting till we are matched or that they want to do a baby shower. My heart cries as I wish I could tell them that a match doesn’t mean a baby. That they could give to us then – and we still might not bring a baby home. That we don’t really desire a baby shower- we are good with things we have picked up, or already loved items from friends. Right now, we can’t move any further until the funds are raised.

I am so blessed by my friends Misty (from Beautiful Ashes) and Bridget (from Becoming A Godly Wife) and the rest of the blogging community for all the love and support they have given us. This week – and we are running out of days- they are doing an Ebook bundle. For $10.00 (two starbucks coffees or a McDonalds lunch) you get 26 eBooks -worth over $100.00. You can also enter a giveaway (worth over $300.)  Or, you can simply donate. We feel strongly God is going to use people we DON’T KNOW to bring our baby home – because in that, HE GET’S ALL THE GLORY! Not us. We couldn’t get the glory.

Won’t you join us – when a child is adopted into a Christian family, they are going to be exposed to the gospel – and that – could change the landscape of eternity.